Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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