apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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