I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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