I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
