Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
