Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
