i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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