I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
