So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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