I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
