Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He better not be in your backpack
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
