we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
