I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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