he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
