you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
