Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
