You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
