shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
