NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
