is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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