Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
