I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
