I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
