He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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