You're my little dorito
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
