duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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