So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
