dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
