I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize