Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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