I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
