Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize