Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
