she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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