So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
