They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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