Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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