pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
