i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
