All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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