last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
