so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
