make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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