i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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