Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
