Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
