Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
