My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
