Me. At least after what I've been through.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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