She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
