Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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