My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
