I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
