Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
