he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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