Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
