cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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