i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
