It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
3 2 1 whiskey
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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