I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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