that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
