Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
