Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
