i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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