Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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