the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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