first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
