??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
