So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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